I've got food issues

I became a vegetarian a little over 4 years ago. I did this for several reasons:

1. I tried it out and felt healthier, started losing weight
2. Ethical issues regarding factory farming
3. I had a huge crush on a girlfriend who was a strict vegan, which was why I gave it a try in the first place.

Well, here I am 4 years later:

1. I've been gaining weight despite being pretty active. I have mondo sugar cravings that I indulge way too often, and I know my diet is a bit out of whack because it's got too much carbs and not enough things like fruits and veggies.

2. I still have ethical issues about factory farming, but compromise them all the time for dairy products so I'm being a bit hypocritical there.

3. The aforementioned friends cut me off a couple of years ago and no longer speak to me.

So, I'm thinking about eating meat again. Not a lot of meat, and preferably organic/free range meat from animals that have been humanely treated. Probably not all that often. Humane meat is also healthier meat, ditto with dairy. I think, though, that I might just start with some wings, eating out with DH.

At the same time, I'm going to start getting a grip on my sugar intake, and keep working on minimizing processed foods in our diet. I've done it before, I can do it again. Lucky Luthien gets to go along for the ride.

The Compact

I have found a concious and formal way of doing this simplifying thing. I am joining the Compact.

Quoted from the Compact yahoogroup:
" The Compact has several aims (more or less prioritized below):
To go beyond recycling in trying to counteract the negative global environmental and socioeconomic impacts of disposable consumer culture and to support local businesses, farms, etc. -- a step that, we hope, inherits the revolutionary impulse of the Mayflower Compact.
To reduce clutter and waste in our homes (as in trash Compact-er).
To simplify our lives (as in Calm-pact)
We've agreed to follow two principles (see exceptions etc. on our blog).#1 Don't buy new products of any kind (from stores, web sites, etc.)#2 Borrow, barter, or buy used."

The exceptions to this are food, health items, and so forth. I am also putting a few more things on my list of exceptions, but with limits on them:

1. New shoes acceptable, but only from small company that manufactures and sells directly, preferably that makes the shoes by hand.

2. Notions to do sewing projects with fabric obtained used or from SAS or that I already have.

3. Fabric. Used or from SAS, which sells factory ends. No Jo-Ann's sales rack for me!

4. Car parts if unavailable refurbished. I'm buying a used car soon and I need to keep it running reliably.

5. A tassel and graduation announcements. I am trying to find a robe secondhand, though.

Additionally, I'm continuing with the stuff from my previous post. To reduce waste, I've been using cloth menstrual pads, and I'm using cloth wipes at home instead of toilet paper. What can I say, I miss washing diapers now that Luthien is potty trained.

None of this stuff applies to anyone in the house except me. Luthien is coming along for the ride, but then I've already bought most of her Christmas/Yule presents.

Simplifying

For years now, I have yearned to simplify my life. Time was, it actually was pretty simple. The height of simplicity in my adult life was probably when I was living aboard ship.

Now, though, I need to find a self-driven way of simplifying. There are three areas I think I can conciously work on in the immediate future: Money, Time, and Consumption.

Regarding money, I have been trying to give careful thought to what I spend it on. I need to save for my upcoming move, and I have debts I want to pay off. Indeed, debt is looming so large I am really starting to think paying it off would be more fulfilling to me than going to graduate school (which will just run up more debt).

Tied into money, of course, is consumption. But it's not just how much I spend on things, it's what things I choose to spend my money on. Do I buy canned beans, or dry? Both can sit on a shelf, but one has a lot more energy and packaging gone into it, in addition to being more expensive. I've tried to whittle away at little things, especially in my diet. I don't drink sodas, just water. I don't buy a bottle of water every time I'm thirsty, I refill the one I already have.

I'm making a commitment this semester to pack my lunch rather than eat out. And to rely on planning rather than convenience foods, and get back to more whole foods.

I'm also trying to reduce the packaging on things I buy. I try to remember to take my canvas shopping bags (and if I don't, I get paper so I can recycle it). I need to buy loose produce, instead of wrapped-in-shiny-plastic produce. This can be aggravating when I'd like to buy organic, because they tend to overpackage the organics.

I start school tomorrow, so new semester, chance for forming new habits. I put a full tank of gas in the car for DH. I'm going to try not to use more gas in the next few months than I just paid for! I've been driving more places lately because my bike has a flat tire and we don't have the tools at home to get the rear wheel off--it's kind of rusty and won't respond to my attempts with a wrench, and our socket set is AWOL.

Things I've given up the past few years:

Meat
Soda pop

Things I'm fasting on for the rest of this year:

Cold breakfast cereal (yes, i usually buy healthy kinds, but it's expensive!)
Fast food
Any non-organic boxed meal (no more Kraft mac and cheese; At least Annie's or TJ's brand has less junk in it, and it's still only a buck for a box).
Things that come out of vending machines

We'll start with that.

VICTORY POEM

This is the poem I composed after the last missile was launched:

Eight Tomahawks /We sent to smite
My Lady speed them /Fierce in flight
Sea-death falls /Hard from the sky
With Sig-Father's might /Our foes to strike
Straight to Hell /Those cowards sent
Ravens dine in rubble /Twin brothers avenged.

"America Strikes Back"

Here is a journal entry in my notebook that I wrote when my ship launched Tomahawk Missiles at Afghanistan in Operation Enduring Freedom in Oct. 2001. It's really raw stuff:

"AMERICA STRIKES BACK"

There's a party atmosphere on the messdecks. It makes sense, because they're doing the Hispanic Heritage Month dinner. The flan was really good.

In a few hours, the President will address the nation. Right now, I and my shipmates are among the privileged few who actually know what's goin gon. The Captain made the announcement this morning, but we knew something was up night before last, because we went to opseccon 1. here in River City, something was happening. It was imperative to ensure Mom, Dad, CNN, and our targets didn't know what was up. But not hearing from us likely clues them in that something is up.

So this morning, the Captain announced that we're going to shoot this evening, Oct. 7, 26 days after the World Trade Center fell, we're going to shoot. he didn't specify what weapon, nor at what. Tomahawks. Afghnanistan. Specifically, bin Laden's organization. And Marines are landing in Pakistan. Sure hope Pakistan change their minds at the last minute. Hope we take out the Taliban, too.

Stressful boredom has given way to anticipation. Soon, the release. We'll blow our load and go home.

But other will stay. I'll be able to say, "I was at the tip of the spear. I was there. I saw them press the button that we hoped would blow that deranged asshole to Judgement Day. may Allah give him his reward. Lots of hellfire in the Qu'ran.

It's only the beginning, of course. We probably won't get him today. And if we do they'll make a martyr of him, and convince more men that Allah wants them to force widows to starve in the streets and turn innocent men, women, and children into suicide bombers to blow up more innocent people.

No one with as much money as bin Laden has any right to be critical of capitalism.

No doubt there will be more terrorist attacks. my fellow servicement will fight and die to stop it. that is honorable and just. Afghan men will fight them because their country is under attack, and our ships and military personnel will be targeted. That, too, is honorable. but will they make baby-killers of this generation of warriors? The enemy has already done it to his men. But will they do it to us? Or did our leaders learn their lesson in the free-fire zones of Vietnam?

We fight an enemy without honor. I only hope that we will fight them with honor.

If that's even possible in the 21st century.

I have a deep sense of sorrow about this. I felt the same when I watched the second tower collapse, when I saw the name of the first person confirmed dead at the Pentagon. I do remember he was a third class petty officer, though I don't recall his name. but when we launch, there will be a lot of people dead, and for a couple of hours, they'll either not know, or they will be afraid.

Most of them hate us. But at least some of them will be innocents. "collateral damage" People in the wrong place at the right time. Such is the nature of weapons of mass destruction.

There is no McDonald's in Afghanistan.

They're directing the P-3 into position for a photo op. Wave, Carl Vinson. Mom and Dad and your wife will see you on CNN.

1820. Viewing area on the fantail. Plenty of cameras. 8 missiles. Going North. McFaul & some others will launch, too. Including a sub.

At 1820, it's our turn to commit an act of war. Somehow I doubt our initial body count will be as devastating. Do we hit the Taliban's stronghold in the capital? Or just the tent cities of bin Laden's terrorist camps, so easily abandoned? Will we hit Afghan air strips and military bases? Or a pharmeceuticals factory? A suburban neighborhood, the women cowering powerlessly in their houses? On purpose or by mistake? John McCain promised we would show no mercy. But destroying the Taliban is an act of mercy to the majority of people in Afghanistan. Maybe I'll go teach, when this slows down. i'll teach Afghan girls how to empower themselves. Or better, I'll teach their mothers and THEY will teach their daughters.

But I suppose not. They'll do it themselves. If we give them the chance.

Shit like this wouldn't happen if women ruled the world.

I wonderwhat Amy will think when I tell her I was sitting 15 feet away when they pressed the button to launch those offensive missiles?

I think after I finish college I'll join the Peace Corps. I wonder what David would think of that. Of course, the Peace Corps. might have to wait until I raise my children.

$35K a year.

Ooh, now we're launching 9 missiles, not 8. I wonder what last-minute target they'll assign us?

They're organized enough to crash our passenger planes into our national monuments, and the narrow-minded disregard to blow up their own, but are they organized enough to attack our ships at sea--a sensible act of war rather than a senseless one?

Our current TAO is a dork. He's the new CHENG. The CV told us to turn off our SPY in a sector around them. Ha-ha. We're so good, they think we have Spy-1.

Five minutes, and one of our idiots is flying up north of us.

Three minutes. I wonder what it will feel like? Idiot is heading west. Prudent of him.

A bang and a rush, and I couldn't help grinning.

Again with the 2nd. They're stealthy. My video is intermittent. there's one, and the 2nd. #2 is 24 miles away. I lost #1. Nothing past 24 mi. I lose video.

Here we go w/ #3...

And #4...They won't let me put tracks on them. :(

I followed that last one for 50 nm before I lost video

And here goes #5... Now it feels almost routine. And #6...

Oh, we're back down to launching 8. Someone actually put a track on #5. "NUMBER FIVE IS ALIVE!"

Oh, they dropped it.

12 minute wait until #7...I wish I could see some of 'em launch. Oh, well, I'm on watch. The rest seems anticlimactic. Not that #7 or 8 is likely to be any less calamitous at its destination. And I can feel the vaginal juices sliding out. I'm ovulating, and I guess my body is responding to the excitement.

I wonder if any of the guys has a hard-on.

And #7...

And #8. See poem.

In about 70 minutes they will start landing.
I'm horny.

And now the missiles are hitting the target. On this end, an anticlimax.

Modesty, Part 2

Wendy Shalit's general description of the ways women are uncomfortable with contemporary sexual politics don't apply to me particularly well. Though I waited until 18 to "give it up" and lose my virginity, my primary reason for doing so was curiosity. I chose a guy I thought was good looking and suspected would be good in bed. We rented a hotel room, and I made him wait until after Star Trek.

At the time, I identified myself as lesbian. After having sex with several guys, seeing as I enjoyed it, I amended my self-labeling to "bisexual". A while later, I added "polyamorous" to that list.

I won't go into all the details of my sexual exploits while I was in the Navy, but suffice to say that my reasons for having sex were largely recreational. To quote a quote in Wendy's book from SexLife magazine, "These women can enjoy sex for sex's sake even when there's no romantic backdrop, no promise of love or talk of commitment." I was that sort. Apparently, it makes me wierd.

I did seem to have a somewhat masculine streak in my sexual worldview. I had no problem with "hooking up", never got dumped because I never got involved. Sure, I usually wanted to know a guy a bit first. I liked sex with buddies, not with strangers. But I wasn't looking for romance. I wasn't ready to settle down, not by a long shot.

And even when I did want a bit of romance, I didn't want a "one and only." I frankly thought it was kind of gross and annoying the way some people wrap themselves up in each other to the exclusion of the rest of the world.

When I did go looking for commitment, it wasn't for love or romance. It was out of baby-craziness. I wanted a partner to raise children with. My main concerns were economic security and emotional stability, not romance.

Shalit posits a thought experiment:

"Women, when no one else is around, do you secretly long for a whole series of men; to arbitrarily marry one of them and then maybe have affairs, maybe not--to be cool and wait and see if anyone better comes along, and then divorce--or do you long for one enduring love?"

My answer is a big fat "no" on both counts. I didn't long for a whole series of men. though I did enjoy their company as they came and went in my life. With the exception of one who followed me home like a lost puppy then departed like a tornado when dismissed for being an unstable boor, I would be pleasantly surprised if I ran into any of them again.

And while I would prefer a life of enduring love, I would prefer to have several, who at the least mutually respect one another. The constitutional desire for exclusivity that Shalit wraps up with ideas of sexual modesty don't really pertain to me. Yet I have still, in general, preferred to dress modestly. At times, this expressed itself in butch leanings to T-shirts and jeans, a motorcycle jacket, and other men's clothing. Other times, including the past couple of years, I have preferred long, full skirts.

Modesty, part I: Sex ed

A Return to Modesty: Discovering the Lost Virtue by Wendy Shalit

I am currently reading this book. It is giving me a great deal of food for thought, and has afforded me an opportunity to elucidate my own thoughts on this subject.

Since I became a mother, I have experienced an increased impulse towards modest dress, including covering my hair. I have been somewhat at a loss as to why. Wendy Shalit's discussion does not rest on any particular religious doctrine or argument, and she has made some valid (and some perhaps not-so-valid) critical points about the society in which we live.

In the first chapter of her book, she takes a stance against sex education in the public schools. At first, this rubbed me the wrong way. I sincerely believe sex ed is important. Young people should be informed and armed with information about sex, safety, and social roles. But then I chewed on the idea some more, and I think she has a point. Often, sex ed in school does not teach things in a developmentally appropriate way. Note I did not say, "age-appropriate". I think that's part of the problem. When dealing with masses of school children, there is a strong tendency to base things on age. Instead, I think sex ed should be the responsibility of parents, who should provide information to their individual children in accordance with their individual maturity and need to know.

For an example of this, I give you the blowjob. At the age of 14, as a high school freshman, I did not know what a "blowjob" was. This despite having borrowed the book "Everything You Ever Wanted To Know About Sex But Were Afraid To Ask" from the public library at the age of 11. (Borrowed, I might add, without checking it out. I was too embarrassed. After all, what if the librarians told my mom?) I knew what fellatio was.

But "blowjob" was a slang term I'd never encountered. So, in my naive and curious way, when someone cracked a joke I didn't get that involved the term, I piped up, "What's a blowjob?"

No one in my little lunch clique would tell me. They all laughed at me instead. Including my best friend, Amy. For the rest of high school, any of my friends asking "Hey, Jodi, what's a blowjob?" would send the whole table into fits of merriment.

I had to go home and ask my mother. I was blessed with the sort of mother one can ask these sorts of questions. It is my staunch belief that parents who aren't that sort are failing their children in the sex ed department. Children don't need a sex ed curriculum. They need parents willing to answer their questions without embarrasment on the part of the adults, sensitive to the fact that the process is unlikely to be without embarassment on the part of the young people.

Years later, my friend Amy pointed out that she hadn't known what a blowjob was, but she'd had the sense to keep her mouth shut about it. While just as naive as I about sexual matters, she was far more socially adept.

This entry has more of my awareness of the larger world:

Thurs Nov. 9, 1989:

Dear Anne,

Guess what! The Berlin Wall is coming down! East Germans are now free to go as they please. My mom said that the wall was erected when she was just a little younger than me. Many poeple have died trying to cross it to get to capitalist West Berlin for almost thrity years. I feel sorry for anyone living in communist countries, like East Germany & the U.S.S.R. I know about the communistic government because I have been studying the Soviet Union for an oral report at school.

On Sally today, I saw 3 girls who were only 2 1/2 ft. tall. 2 were 9, and 1 was 11. One of the 9 yr. olds was mentally retarted. She was also adopted. I wonder what it would be like to be 2 1/2 feet tall and have a voice that sounded like that of a 3 year old. One thing's for sure, I wish I weren't quite so tall. 4'9" would be nice. Of course, I only want to be this height because I'm 12 years old. Well, I've got to go. I'm still a little sick, and I stayed home from school today. I could have gone, but I don't have my outline for my oral report, my Spanish vocabulary words haven't been memorized yet, and I don't kwno my spelling or spelling vocabulary words yet. well'p, bye.
Yours truly,
Anne.

Can you tell I was a bit scatterbrained? I even signed the wrong name to my diary entry. Oy, someone remind me never to let my daughter watch talk shows. There are better ways to learn about differences between people than that. At least it made me think, rather than make fun of what I saw.

At that age I was pretty tall, probably five feet even at least. And I was rather self-concious about it.

I didn't have a very fun Halloween the year I was 12:

Tues. 31 Oct. 1989:

Dear Anne,
Sorry I've neglected you for so long, but I got sick Friday, was sick all weekend (so much for my perfect attndance record for Sunday School) and went to the doctor on Monday. Dr. Gross (That's the name of our family physician) said I had a virus. he said I'll have it for about 2 months. It's not mononucliosis, but it acts like it. If I get any exercise of just about any kind, I'll get even more worn down and maybe get another infection. Awful, isn't it? Yesterday I played 2 consecutive games of Monopoly with and lost 2 consecutive games of Monopoly to my omom. It took most of the afternoon and part of the evening, but it was fun. My main problem is, my throat hurts. I went home early friday and missed the Hobo Party everyone was dressed up for. And today, I missed the Honor Roll field trip. I worked hard and I missed my reward because I was sick! I cried over it this morning while my mom was at work. They went and toured the Amarillo Globe Times and then went to the Discovery Center, a hands-on museam, and saw the dinosaur exhibit on there. They went to McDonalds for lunch then afterward, went to a really neat park in Amarillo. I've got to go, my mom's coming, and I don't want her to gripe me out for not brushing out my hair (Whew! She didn't)
Yours truly,
Jodi

Everything sounds like more fun when you have to miss out. I was sick a lot during this period. We never really had a good answer for why, as far as I know.

Here's my younger self bemoaning the unfairness of her life:

Wed., 25 Oct. 1989:

Dear Anne,
Tonight I babysitted (Sort of) Aubre & Rachel Ribschlager. (I think that's how you spell it) My mom was here most of the time, so it wasn't really babysitting. I have to clean up the mess Aubre, Rachel, Rachael, and Denise made. My mom yelled at me twice today, and Mrs. Liebert, my teacher, gave me extra detention (I already had some) for running to the bathroom before I wet my pants! It just isn't fair, grownups just don't understand!
Yours Truly,
Jodi

Of course I have no recollection of what my mother yelled at me for. Probably had to do with not cleaning up like I was supposed to. I wonder if I got paid for my time that day?

As for the detention for running to the bathroom, my recollections of idiocies like that are among the reasons I plan to homeschool. You shouldn't have to ask for permission to go to the bathroom in an educational setting, regardless of age.

Thurs. 26 October 1989:

Dear Anne,
I'm supposed to be cleaning my room, but I prefer talking to you. I had this notebook for 3 years before I started using it as a diary! I love writing, and what could be better to write about than myself? Of course, I don't mean to be vain, but there is a lot about me to write.

It really is quite a pretty/fancy notebook. It does sound here like I had a bit of an ego. Really, a preferable state for a 12 year old girl, in my opinion, to the utter and pathetic lack of self-esteem so many girls that age have.

I have to do a report on a country other than the U.S. I had chosen Portugal, the place from where my great-grandfather came. But, there was only one book in the entire library on Portugal, and that was a travel guide! I decided to do my report on the Soviet Union. I think this will prove to be interesting. I don't know much about it, so I checked out 3 books on the subject. When I say I don't know much, I mean all I know is this: The campital is Moscow, the leader is Mikail Gorbachov part of it is called Russia, part of it is called Siberia, it has a communistic government, ther eis no middle-class social group, there are a lot of protestors, almost everyone is poor, and immigrants say it's a nice place to visit, but you wouldn't want to live there, or, as comedian Yakkie Smirnov put it, "be sure and have a return ticket on you." Oh yeah, they also speak Russian there. Well, now you knwo what I mean, I don't really know much. See you later, I've got to clean my room (ha!) and help with dinner or supper, or the evening meal, or, midnight snack in London Eng, breakfast in Peking, or very early breakfast in Moscow, or brunch in Sydney, Australia or...............................................................
Yours Truly,
Jody
P.S. I know how many dots to put, I just wanted to show how long my list could last! PS.S. In Yours Truly, is the t in truly supposed to be capitalized or not? My guess is as good as yours!
Yrs. Trly., Jo

Dear younger self,
Not only did you know very little about the USSR, most of what you thought you knew was false. And the t in "yours truly" oughtn't be capitalized. And you misspelled your name.

Here I must insert some praise for the internet. I remember doing that report. No resource at our little public library was less than 10 years old. Most of it was thick with propaganda. When my daughter goes to write a report, she'll have the whole World Wide Web at her fingertips, from news to up-to-date encyclopedias to academic sources to blogs written by Russian children.

The next entry in my child-self's diary really contextualizes the time of when I wrote it:

Sun. 22 Oct 1989:

Dear Anne,
Not much happened today, so I will devote this entry to the weather & especially natural disasters. Not too long ago, Hurricane Hugo swept across the ocean & destroyed cities & islands. It even submerged one island completely! On CNN, the news reports were all about the recovery efforts in South Carilina & the Virgin Islands. Then, a few days ago, there was a very big earthquake in central California, & everyone forgot about the hurricane immediately. Of course, they had good reason to. It measured 6.9 on the Rictor Scale! The worst thing that happened to any of my numerous relatives that lives over there was somebody's house fell off a hill. Of course, no one was in the house, so it wasn't too bad. But the Oakland Bridge fell down! Not to mention this really big double decker freeway! I'm glad that I don't live where there are any earthquakes! Tornadoes are enough for me, thank you. I've got to go now, it's over a half an hour past my bedtime!
Yours truly,
Jodi

So now we've grounded this thing in history. Yet how little has changed! How much did the major U.S. news outlets cover Tsunami recovery once Katrina hit?
My mom's cousins whose house fell rebuilt it in the same spot. I'm pretty sure Californians are crazy.
I think I actually watched the news more when I was 12 than I do now.

I feel that before I can know where I'm going, I should have a good look at where I've been. I have a box in the garage of hand-written notebooks dating back to second grade.

Among them I found a journal I (rather unevenly) kept when I was 12-13 years old. I think an examination of my younger self is a good place to start.

The first entry is dated Thursday, Oct. 19, 1989. I quite helpfully started with an introduction of myself:
Dear Diary,
Starting tomorrow, I shall call you Anne. The reason why I'm starting a diary is this: I need a vent for my feelings. Today, I'm sick. (I could have gone to school, but I had a stomach ache last night, & besides I didn't get my Spanish homework done & I am supposed to have two math tests today. Anyway, it's a good thing I faked it, because I really feel sick now.)
I suppose I should tell you about myself. I have light brown/blonde hair, dark brown eyes, and I tan easily. I have two little sisters, twins, and they are 9 years old. (I had to ask my mom how old they are, I wasn't sure if they are 9 or 10. Scary, isn't it?) Their birthday is January 30. My dad is 43 years old. I'm not sure when his birthday is, though I know it is some time in March. My mom is 39 yrs. old. Her birthday is Oct. 30, the day before Halloween. Isn't that cool? I am 12 yrs. old, and my birthday is Sept. 4. My mom works in a print shop, my dad hauls parts for nuclear weapons, I think. (Continued tomorrow)
Yours Truly,
Jodi

I started that journal during a period when I was sick quite a lot. I attended a small Christian school at the time. The curriculum was self-paced for core subjects, so missing a lot of school didn't really interfere with lessons too much.
I named my diary after Anne Frank, by the way.

The next entry gives more insight into my younger self's personality and relationships within the family:

Sat. Oct. 21, 1989
Dear Anne,
I'm mad, my mother blames me for everything! I'm so frustrated! Here's what happened: I was walking along the hall when my sister called for me. She asked me if I wanted some pizza. I went to see what she was talking about. She had an aluminum platter with some marks on it. I took it from her & rubbed out the markings. I have it back to her and started to leave. She chased after me to hit me with it, and I started to run. Just as I took off, I ran right into my mom! She yelled at me, then yelled at me a minute later. I started crying & I came in here. Now my pillow is all wet.

Gee, I got in trouble for deliberately provoking my little sister and running through the house. What a shocker.
To continue:

I'm not sick anymore, the doctor said I need to rest. Rest! Ha! We went to Palo Duro Canyon today.
Now Where was I? Ok. Now I remember.
My dad never really told me exactly. I and my sisters attend Grace Christian School. I am in the sixth & seventh grades, Rachael is in the 3rd & 4th grades, & Denise is in the 2nd & 3rd grades. I am very tired right now, so I will see you tomorrow.
Yours truly,
Jodi

As I said, self-paced curriculum (Accelerated Christian Education, actually), except for Spanish, which was Abeka, a high school level video course which I and 2 other girls were doing in Jr. high. I was basically 1/2 step from homeschooling.

Well, that's who I was. I suppose I should contrast it with who I am now:

I am 28 years old, a senior in college at Arizona State University, majoring in Anthropology with a minor in Biology. I have been married (monogamously the last couple of years by default, but not by mutual expectation) to my husband David for almost 7 years, and we have a little girl, Luthien, who is 2 1/2. I still have brown eyes, but my hair is now quite dark brown, not blonde like it was when I was younger. I still tan easily, but try to be wise about skin exposure anyway. I still have trouble remembering my dad's birthday. My sisters are now 26, and to this day I kind of think of it as wierd/scary how much older they keep getting. One of them has a 6 year old daughter, and they are each in a cohabiting relationship with a guy named Michael (not the same one!). We've all 3 served in the Navy, which is where Rachael met her Michael and I met my husband.
I'm not a Christian; I renounced it for Paganism at age 16 and have practiced Asatru since I was 19 or so.
The little girl I was never imagined her life being anything like mine, that's for sure!

I am rapidly approaching graduation from college, and trying to figure out what I'm going to do with myself. My husband is buying a restaurant, and will be making very, very little money for the next couple of years. After I graduate, I will have student loans to pay off. I have other debts I need to pay on. I would like to stay home with my daughter and have another baby, but need to find a way to make a living while doing so. We don't really have much in the way of corners left to cut that DH is isn't already cutting.

We're contemplating me moving back to my hometown for a while, where I can get support from my mom (especially childcare), and live much more frugally than here. We did the math, and maintaining 2 households (my husband will continue to live with his brother and his brother's girlfriend, our roommates) will be less expensive than one.

We talked about me staying here if I'm not going to grad school (which is the direction I'm leaning right now). If I do, he wants me to still find a way to pay off my student loans, and not go stir-crazy at home alone all the time with our daughter like I did when she was a baby. She'll be 3 when I graduate, and I want to homeschool and, as I mentioned, have more children. I have a network of friends here now, and truly don't think I"ll be bored.

But to make up my mind, I'm going to do a whole lot of self-examination in this blog. Comments are quite welcome.